Lost and Found: Finding Hope in the Detours of Life by Sarah Jakes & T. D. Jakes

Author:Sarah Jakes & T. D. Jakes [Sarah Jakes]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biographies & Memoirs, Ethnic & National, African-American & Black, Specific Groups, Women, Christian Books & Bibles, Christian Living, Personal Growth, Religion & Spirituality, Inspirational, REL012070, REL012040
ISBN: 9781441264442
Amazon: B00GHXRVAG
Publisher: Bethany House Publishers
Published: 2014-04-02T04:00:00+00:00

7

Stripped

WHEN I RECEIVED my transcript at the end of the fall 2006 semester, I knew I was in serious trouble. As feared, I had passed only two of the five classes for which I originally enrolled. And those two grades were nothing to write home about, either. My parents surely knew something was going on with me. They had already reminded me earlier in the semester that they held me accountable for their investment in my college education. The message was clear: If I couldn’t get it together on their dime, the next time I attended college it would be on my own.

So sitting down with them to reveal my grades, I was more than nervous.

I admitted to my distraction and attributed it to being caught up in the freedom that college brings. I made it less about my relationship with Robert and more about the overall transition. I didn’t want to admit that I had become so distracted that I wasn’t even sure I could finish college. They wouldn’t want to hear that my time with Robert was causing me to really question what I wanted. After taking and failing the prerequisite math course for my accounting degree, I started taking journalism courses.

Of all of my courses, the ones where I showed the most promise were always language associated. Anything that involved the passionate use of words intrigued me. My motivation for wanting the accounting degree remained with me: I wanted to recover from my pregnancy, and I felt the only way to do that was by helping my father. My pregnancy no longer made me a fit for ministry, so I was depending on an accounting degree to complete my recovery. As the semester came to a close, however, I knew that it would be impossible for me to successfully achieve that goal.

I didn’t have the strength to disappoint them again, though. For me, it was hard to believe that they were not supporting a future accountant. I couldn’t grasp that they were just supporting me. Our idea of forgiveness is often based on the idea that there must be recovery. We hardly ever isolate the two concepts.

Seeking forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have figured out the best way to recover. All it means is that you’re committed to fixing what’s been broken. As children we are taught that there is a punishment you pay in order for redemption to be granted. After being grounded, spanked, or having a toy taken away, we learn our lesson and life goes back to the way it was.

It’s an awful trick we play on our youth. Because when we grow older, we learn that some decisions inherently follow you the rest of your life. No atonement can restore the way life used to be. The incarcerated serve their time and are released to a society that will constantly remind them that their past cast a shadow larger than their present.

Just because we’ve been forgiven doesn’t mean we’re free.

It then becomes our responsibility to use that shadow to hide our truth or protect others.

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